Quebec Names Olympic Men’s Hockey Team

Sorry. That headline only belongs in a Gilles Duceppe wet dream. I just thought it would be fun to imagine Quebec as a sovereign nation. Or more specifically, I thought it would be fun to imagine Quebec’s very own Men’s Olympic Hockey Team. After all, Quebec’s 1995 referendum vote was only 50.6 per cent to 49.4 per cent for the NO side. 0.7 per cent!!! That close to losing Quebec, and more importantly, Quebec’s supply of elite goaltenders (not to mention maple syrup, poutine and the staggeringly handsome Roch Voisine).

In 1991, the Soviet Union dissolved into 15 countries. Two of those, Belarus and Latvia, will participate in the 2010 Olympic Winter Games in Vancouver. Latvia has only one player on an NHL roster (Karlis Skrastins of the Stars) while Belarus named four NHLers to its squad (Ruslan Salei of the Avalanche, Montreal’s Kostitsyn brothers and injured Leafs forward Mikhael Grabovski). No big losses for Russia there.

The same can’t be said for the teams from Czech Republic and Slovakia. The 1993 split of Czechoslovakia pretty much split their talent pool right up the middle (thanks to Domenik Hasek this wasn’t an issue in Nagano in ‘98). Jaromir Jagr, Patrik Elias, Martin Havlat and Tomas Kaberle (check out the complete Czech roster) could’ve been playing with Slovaks Zdeno Chara, Marian Gaborik and Marian Hossa (full Slovak roster here), instead, they’ll be squaring off in Group B against each other.

Canada and Quebec narrowly averted the same fate. And while it would’ve been unquestionably a hockey disaster of epic proportions, it sure would’ve been fun, wouldn’t it? Canada vs. Quebec. In comparison, our rivalries against Russia and the U.S. would suddenly hold less weight than Keira Knightley.

The real damage of Quebec sovereignty on this year’s Canadian Men’s Hockey team would be felt between the pipes. Brodeur, Luongo, Fleury…all gone. In their place, a surprisingly sparse selection of potential candidates. Last year’s playoff run would probably be enough to make Cam Ward the starter despite a disastrous, injury-plagued start to the season, but who else? With last year’s wonder-kid Steve Mason struggling, let’s give the last two spots to a couple of savvy vets, Marty Turco and (gulp) Chris Osgood. I told you it wasn’t pretty. Patrice Bergeron would be Canada’s only loss amongst the skaters, so let’s welcome Jeff Carter to the squad and call it a day.

But enough about the Canadians, let’s get to the fun part. The naming of Quebec’s Olympic team. Would they challenge Canada for gold? Would they medal? Would coach Jacques Demers be able to read the line-up cards? You be the judge:

FORWARDS

1st Line: LW David Perron (STL) — C Vinny Lecavalier (TB) — RW Martin St.Louis (TB)

2nd Line: LW Simon Gagne (PHI) — C Mike Ribeiro (DAL) — RW Daniel Briere (PHI)

3rd Line: LW Alex Burrows (VAN) — C Patrice Bergeron (BOS) — RW Eric Belanger (MIN)

4th Line: LW Derick Brassard (CBJ) — C Antoine Vermette (CBJ) — RW JP Dumont (NSH)

13th F: RW Steve Bernier (VAN)

Other options: Maxime Talbot (PIT), Steve Begin (BOS), Marc Pouliot (EDM), Guillaume Latendresse (MIN), Pierre-Marc Bouchard (MIN), Ian Lapierre (PHI), Georges Laraque (MTL)

DEFENCE

Stephane Robidas (DAL) — Marc-Edouard Vlasic (SJ)

Francois Beauchemin (TOR) — Alexandre Picard (OTT)

Marc-Andre Bergeron (MTL) — Jason Demers (SJ)

7th D: Bruno Gervais (NYI)

Other options: Convincing Mike Green to learn French and coaxing Patrice Brisebois out of retirement.

GOALIES

Martin Brodeur (NJ)

Roberto Luongo (VAN)

Marc-Andre Fleury (PIT)