The Babysitter Diaries

Well, the ruling is in and let’s face it, as far as rulings in a sexual assault case go you can’t get a much funnier headline than, “Tillman receives absolute discharge.” What?!! Isn’t that what he was after in the first place?

When this story broke over a year ago, Tillman assured us that there was “more to the story.” Turns out there wasn’t.

While Tillman’s 16-year-old babysitter bent down to feed one of his young children, Tillman put his fingers through the girl’s belt loops and pulled her rear end into him. You ask, “Why would a 52-year-old son of a Mississippi preacher do such a thing?” Back medication, of course. Tillman says he doesn’t remember anything due to a double dose of sleep aids and pain medication for a sore back.

And while many of you may laugh at that excuse, you must remember that on the back of every bottle of Robaxacet there’s a clear warning for overuse: “Robaxacet may cause nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness and a newfound lust to sodomize young girls.” (See, I never trusted those dancing wooden bastards.)

This excuse, combined with a clean criminal record and a show of genuine remorse, was enough to help Tillman avoid a criminal record. His only punishment, a $50 court surcharge. Seems a little light, but do you know what 50 Canadian dollars could buy Tillman in Thailand? (C’mon, the man’s going to need some place to relax after all this.)

Besides, no harm no foul, right?

What’s that? Oh, here’s what Crown prosecutor Bill Burge had to say about Tillman’s 16-year-old victim: “She’s had a horrible last 12 months since this became public,” he said. “There’s been pressure on her and her family pretty much constantly, as far as I can tell.”

Sure, Tillman will almost certainly lose his job with Saskatchewan, but as the builder of three different Grey Cup champions with three different teams (Lions in ‘94, Argos in ‘97, Riders in ‘07), you can bet that babysitter’s ass he’ll be back in the CFL before long.

Sources I used to write this:

http://www.tsn.ca/cfl/story/?id=304807

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=2409531

http://www.newstalk980.com/story/20100105/27475