Bills give coaching staff Southern flavour

You can’t accuse Chan Gailey of not moving quickly. Just one day after being named the 15th head coach in Bills history — and fifth in 10 years — the Georgia native filled out his coaching staff with the help of first-time general manager Buddy Nix. Nix, who’s from Alabama, first crossed paths with Gailey way back in the 1970s when both began their football careers as college coaches in the south. Which, if you watched this press conference, you probably would’ve guessed.

So, who’d the two good ‘ol boys name to their staff?

Offensive coordinator: Chan Gailey

Unless he fires himself before the start of the season.

Defensive coordinator: Ben Matlock

No one puts together a defensive game plan better than this Southern defensive attorney. Always willing to put in the extra work, Matlock will overlook nothing when devising a game plan, saving his best plays for the end of the game.

Offensive Line coach: Sandra Bullock

Defensive Line coach: Dusty Rhodes

The Vikings 34-3 win over the Cowboys on Sunday demonstrated how a defensive line can dominate a game. Imagine the American Dream teaching Ryan Denney the “Bionic Elbow,” instructing Marcus Stroud how to execute the perfect sleeper hold and showing sophomore Aaron Maybin the power of the polka dot.

Quarterback coach: Matt Dunigan

The Texas native is a two-time Grey Cup Champion and a member of the Canadian Football Hall of Fame. Who better to prepare Trent Edwards for his upcoming CFL career?

If it doesn’t work out, just let him loose at the tailgating party and watch him go to work (This video is a must-see. The “you’re going to love my nuts” guy has nothing on Dunigan.)

Receivers coach: Clay Aiken

Since winning American Idol in 2003, the North Carolina native has been the best receiver on the continent.

Secondary coach: Luke Wilson

All this former movie star does now is talk about coverage, so why not put him to work for the Bills. With Wilson’s affable Texas drawl calling the shots, could Jairus Byrd be even better than last year?

Video coach: Larry the Cable Guy

As well as studying copious amounts of game tape, the Bills will be kept loose with modern movie classics such as “Witless Protection,” “Delta Farce,” and last but not least, “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.”

Strength and conditioning coach: Foghorn Leghorn

Come on, even with all the hormones the food industry is pumping into our poultry, today’s roosters are nowhere near the size of Foghorn. And what happens when Terrell Owens says he doesn’t do scheduled team workouts? “That’s a joke… I say, that’s a joke, son.”

Head cheerleader: Dolly Parton

This Tennessee songstress turned 64 on Monday, but these are the Bills cheerleaders after all. We can’t be picky. Whatever you do, don’t imagine Ralph Wilson motorboating those suckers. (Told you.)

Booster: Buddy Garrity

With Buddy pulling the strings, the Bills would never have to worry about missing out on top coaching candidates again. Plus, his local television spots would finally bump Cellino & Barnes out of the ad rotation.

Potential new owner: “Boss Hogg”

The wealthiest man in Hazzard County would not let the Bills move to Toronto.