10 Reasons why it’s hard to be a Habs fan right now

BY AARON A.

I have been a Montreal Canadiens fan for as long as I can recall. One of my first memories is watching Patrick Roy’s rookie season in ‘86. In ‘93, I stayed up late watching the Habs win ten straight overtime games. I high-fived fellow supporters of Les Glorieux when Carey Price dominated the World Juniors. I was there when Kovalev returned from being benched to score a goal and two assists vs. Ottawa on Hockey Day in Canada. And I almost cried when Montreal fans finally forgave Roy.

But of all the memories, the one I remember most is watching Montreal destroy Boston 7-1 at the old Forum. I was only ten.  A Habs and Bruins fan started scrapping in our section when suddenly the Montreal fan cracked the Bruins guy over the head with a beer bottle (back when they were still allowed), splitting him wide open.  As security escorted the bloodied Boston fan out of the rink our section rose to its feet in unison, singing “Na na na na…Na, na, na, na…hey, hey-ey, goodbye.” What a rivalry.

I wish I could recreate that feeling today, but it’s just not the same.  While there’s a lot to be thankful for — Cammalleri’s on pace for 40 goals, we finally got rid of the dead weight that was big Georges Laraque, there is always a chance Bob Gainey will someday realize Jaroslav Halak is awesome, RDS covers every game with no regional restrictions, Markov is amazing, we didn’t re-sign Michael Ryder, and Benoit Pouliot, taken one spot before Price in the 2005 draft, looks like the real deal — something is still missing.  When I sit down on a Saturday night with four or five, okay, nine beer, something just doesn’t feel right.  More effort is required to maintain the same level of support.  There is just something about these guys, this team, that makes it hard to be a Habs fan right now. Or, to be more accurate, there are 10 things that make it hard to be a Habs fan right now:

10.  Hal Gill ($4.5 million over two years) - Signing Gill for the league minimum would have been bad.  Signing him for over $2 million a year is a travesty.  I will admit that after picking up Alvin (Cammalleri) and the Chipmunks (Gionta and Gomez), we needed some size, but after watching this man skate, I quickly changed my mind. Where is the upside? Please don’t be the “He has Cup finals experience” guy. Shawn Horcoff has that very same experience and the dude blows. I am not going to go all Leafs nation on you and try and pretend this was a good idea. Kubina sucks, Finger sucks and Gill SUCKS.

9. Tomas Plekanec – Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up? In ‘07-’08 he had 69 points in 81 games.  In ‘08-’09 he went for 39 points in 80 games. So far this year he has 51 points in 53 games. He’s also an unrestricted free agent this summer. Great. Plekanec’s $2.75M contract is sure to skyrocket and I don’t even know who the man is. Is he a legitimate top-line player or a poor man’s Marty Havlat? On the bright side, some bonehead GM (ie. Glen Sather) will probably throw $5-6 million per year at him and make the decision for us.

8. Guy Lafleur – Sure the Flower has nothing to do with the team directly, but he does contribute to the difficulty facing Habs fans. This team has a strong link to ex-players and when one of them drives his son to deflower some young girl, then lies about it to the authorities, it affects all of us. Don’t we already have enough guys on the current roster to defend? It should be stated for the record that Matt Lafleur, of Steve Network fame, is not Guy’s son. He deflowers women respectively through all the normal channels and never lies about it. That’s the kind of guy I want representing the Montreal Canadiens.

7. Jacques Martin and the French connection – So, apparently we can only hire French coaches. Silly me, I thought an in-depth knowledge of the game was important, but clearly, being able to communicate with French journalists is paramount. Can someone please explain to me why all federal government employees have to be bilingual while journalists in Montreal are allowed to keep grunting through their interviews in French? While we’re on the subject, any chance we could stop drafting French Canadian guys and just pick the best player on the board from now on? And no matter what happens, can we not bring back Patrice Brisebois again? Please.

6. Euro-trash reputation – I seem to be constantly defending the type of players we have. We somehow picked up this European reputation, yet we only have seven non-North American born players on the current roster. That’s not even a third of the team. We have to get the word out on this. Stay strong brothers.

5. New Year’s Day – This happens to me every year. I wake up New Year’s Day, sprint for the Tylenol bottle, drink a gallon of water and then go back to bed. Feeling better after four more hours of sleep, I reflect on the year that just concluded and the one to come. It doesn’t take me long to come back to one point: Crap, 1993 is now one year further away, making the one thing we have over the fans of other Canadian hockey teams that much more watered down. Is it me, or does “When did you last win the Cup?” not have the same ferocity to it 17 years later.

4. Roman Hamrlik – I was absolutely shocked that Hammerlick didn’t make Steve Starr’s Top 10 overpaid NHLers list. What is this, the NFL? Are we obligated to overpay just because this guy was the first overall pick? $5.5 million per year. How did this happen? The only good thing is that Roman now takes attention away from how much we overpaid Jaroslav Spacek ($11.5M over three years) last summer. You know, the guy we picked up to replace the offensive void that Marc Streit left.  Spacek had 45 points in 80 games last year for the Sabres. This year he is on pace for 25. Tickle me surprised that committing $9.3 million per year to two Czech defencemen not named Chara (Slovakian, but still) is not working out as planned.

3. Scott Gomez – Not since the Bruins butchered the Joe Thornton trade has any team got this ripped off in a trade. This contract already got enough mention in Steve Starr’s overpaid list, so I will just make a few quick points. We had to give up Higgins? Wasn’t saving Glen Sather’s ass enough? When we got him, Gomez had five years remaining on the seven-year, $51.5-million contract he signed July 1, 2007. He is now on pace for just over 50 points this year. In other news, I’m thinking about becoming a Coyotes fan.

2. The Kostitsyns – No one was asking for these brothers to be the Sedins, or the Staals for that matter, but to have two defensive liabilities who underachieve offensively year after year and to top it all off, are linked to the mob, just doesn’t seem fair. Salt in the wound: 2003 Entry Draft. The Habs take Andrei 10^th overall while Boston snags Patrice Bergeron at 45. The one freaking time we don’t take the French guy!!!

1. Carey Price – On a good day he looks like Patrick Roy, on a bad day he looks like Patrick Lalime. With the only top-five pick we’ve had in recent memory, we picked a goalie and missed out on tons of talent: Devin Setoguchi (8), Anze Kopitar (11), Marc Staal (12), T.J. Oshie (24), Marc-Edouard Vlasic (35), Paul Stastny (44). What’s worse? There were other tenders available much later: Tuukka Rask (21), Ondrej Pavelec (41), Jon Quick (72). When it gets to the point where I would be in favour of bringing back Jose Theodore rather than starting Price, then I know we’re in trouble. And that makes me want to cry. Unless we crack a top-five playoff position, then I’m good.

For the Steve Network, I’m Aaron Alguire.

(Steve Starr would like to point out that the opinions held by Aaron Alguire are his and his alone. In fact, Steve Starr most likely disagrees with Mr. Alguire unless the topic is snack related. What can I say, the man knows how to eat.)