Academy makes emergency revision to Oscar nominees list

Only two days after releasing the nominations for the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, the Oscar committee has gone ahead and decided to change them. In a historical move that’s without precedent the Academy has removed Colin Firth (A Single Man) from the Best Actor category and replaced him with John Travolta. Travolta’s film From Paris with Love was also added to the Best Picture category, while the independent British film An Education was bounced from the list of ten films.

“While From Paris with Love hasn’t even been released yet, we at the Academy have decided to forego the typical Dec. 31 submission deadline,” said Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Tom Sherak. After already bastardizing the awards by upping the Best Picture noms to ten, we didn’t see a problem with making an exception for John.”

When asked if he’d even watched the film yet, Sherak replied, “No, but we’ve all seen John’s shaved head in the trailer. It’s clearly one of the year’s best.”

Paul Dergarabedian, president of the box-office division of Hollywood.com, wasn’t at all surprised by the news.

“You did notice that it was made by the director of Taken, right?” asked Dergarabedian. “I mean, case closed, welcome aboard.”

When pressed further on why Travolta was a late addition to the nominations list, Sherak simply pointed to the actor’s recent work.

“Some might say this is a make-up Oscar, much like the one Denzel won for that steaming turd called Training Day, but John deserves it,” says Sherak. “There’s not one person who watched Wild Hogs who didn’t leave the theatre blown away. The man’s absolutely owned the last decade. Swordfish, Domestic Disturbance, Ladder 49, Hairspray, I can go on all day.”

While he feels sorry for Colin Firth, film critic Roger Ebert also believes that Travolta gives a once-in-a-lifetime performance that demands Oscar’s attention. “While audiences have seen John play a quick-talking bad guy with attitude,” explained Ebert, “they’ve never seen John play a quick-talking bad guy with attitude and a shaved head. His transformation is remarkable.”

Dergarabedian adds, “In all honesty this thing could be bigger than Avatar. The same technological innovations that James Cameron used to create the world of Pandora have been used in this film to make a doughy 56-year-old Scientologist believable as a bald bad ass. It’s movie-making magic.”

From Paris with Love opens this Friday.