WHO’S HOTTER? CDN Ashleigh McIvor vs. USA Lindsey Vonn
Both Canada’s Ashleigh McIvor and Lindsey Vonn of the U.S. are Olympic champions in their respective sports, but which skier is hotter? After devoting hours of research to the topic, I decided the only way to settle this was to evaluate these sexy ladies in 21 separate categories. What follows is the most scientific, ambitious hottie evaluation of its kind:
Who’s the hotter skier?
VERDICT: Okay, bad start. Let’s call it a draw.
Who’s hotter in gold?
VERDICT: Maybe it’s just pride in my country, but I gotta give this one to the Canadian girl.
SCORE: 1-0 McIvor
Who’s hotter in shades?
VERDICT: Tough break for Lindsey as half her face is obstructed. Still, no excuses.
SCORE: 2-0 McIvor
Who’s hotter in a swimsuit?
VERDICT: Although the Santa cap may have been illegal under IOC rules, chalk one up for the American.
SCORE: 2-1 McIvor
Who’s hotter in evening wear?
VERDICT: While Vonn looks like she could be on The Price is Right, McIvor’s sex eyes suggest any price is right.
SCORE: 3-1 McIvor
Whose moment of joy is hotter?
VERDICT: Ashleigh looks happy, but Lindsey looks downright delirious. Let’s give it to her.
SCORE: 3-2 McIvor
Who’s hotter while bored?
VERDICT: You have to click on the McIvor picture to see just how bored she is, but trust me, it’s worth it.
SCORE: 4-2 McIvor
Who’s hotter bending over?
VERDICT: This might be my favourite category. It’s tight, but I have to give it to the cover girl.
SCORE: 4-3 McIvor
Who’s hotter kissing an inanimate object?
VERDICT: It might just be the angle, but Vonn looks like she’s considering tongue. We’ve got a tie ballgame on our hands folks!!!
SCORE: 4-4
Who’s hotter in nature?
VERDICT: Not only is Vonn cheapening this legendary hottie battle by shilling for Red Bull, she doesn’t even have the decency to show her midriff.
SCORE: 5-4 McIvor
Who’s hotter in front of the fireplace?
VERDICT: McIvor gets a DNF on this one. If she puts a fireplace photo on the Internet (preferably one involving a bear skin rug) in the next month, I’m willing to retabulate the votes.
SCORE: 5-5
Who’s hotter with windswept hair?
VERDICT: I see your fireplace shot and raise you one shot of windswept hair. Advantage: Canada.
SCORE: 6-5 McIvor
Whose significant other is hotter?
VERDICT: McIvor’s boyfriend and teammate Chris Del Bosco gets the nod over Vonn’s husband and former Olympic skier Thomas Vonn for no other reason than Del Bosco has yet to lock that shit down, keeping hope alive for Canada’s premier web journalist.
SCORE: 7-5 McIvor
Whose daddy situation is hotter?
VERDICT: I don’t need McIvor’s dad up my ass. I choose Lindsey Vonn’s father Alan Kildow. He’s estranged from his daughter, potentially giving her the daddy issues that loyal readers of The Steve Network may be able to exploit. God speed gentleman.
SCORE: 7-6 McIvor
Who’s hotter in their official Olympic mug shot?
VERDICT: Each shot gets progressively worse.
SCORE: 7-7
Who’s hotter in ski goggles?
VERDICT: Uh-oh, looks like Vonn is cut. I was worried this competition would get ugly.
SCORE: 8-7 McIvor
Who’s hotter with ski goggles around their helmet?
VERDICT: Smart move Lindsey. Way to get some ice on that. However, I’m still giving the category to McIvor.
SCORE: 9-7 McIvor
Who’s hotter being interviewed?
VERDICT: While McIvor’s strictly one-on-one, Vonn’s group session satisfies the entire press corps.
SCORE: 9-8 McIvor
Who’s hotter working out?
VERDICT: Oh no, the Canadian has squandered the lead! It’s virtually every Olympic event all over again. I think I’m going to be sick (or at least soft).
SCORE: 9-9
Who’s hotter on YouTube?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnBILOttUms
VERDICT: McIvor looks really good in her video, but she fails to don a bikini. That’s just sloppy execution.
SCORE: 10-9 Vonn
Whose teammate is hotter?
VERDICT: While Canadian ski crosser Kelsey Serwa looks to have serious talent, there’s not enough Internet evidence to make a compelling case for her. Point goes to downhill skier Julia Mancuso, clinching the victory for Vonn.
SCORE: 11-9 Vonn
But what’s this? Out of nowhere, Canadian downhill skier Emily Brydon swoops in to steal the point from the Americans. We’re all tied up again!!!! This thing is going into overtime.
SCORE: 10-10
Looks like there’s only one way to settle this, the lightning boner round:
Who’s hotter when trying to look hot?
VERDICT: And that’s it folks. Ashleigh McIvor owns the podium for Canada. (Brian Williams throws to that crappy “I Believe” song while a montage shows Canadians across the country just how smoking hot Ashleigh McIvor is.)
SCORE: 11-10 McIvor
Sideline reporter: “Ashleigh, how do you feel?”
McIvor: “I’m stunned. This hottie gold medal isn’t just for me, this is Canada’s hottie gold medal.” (The home crowd cheers wildly!)
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13 Comments
Looks like the ‘Own the Podium’ program was worth it after all.
i’m sure you did this research for the good of all mankind……..
This is why I read The Steve Network is for hard-hitting investigative journalism like this.
So very, very elaborate. If this was on TSN, I’d actually watch. Or at least I’d Tivo it and kind of skim through it.
I’d also like to add that the best thing about this article is that the thumbnail at the top of the page is Nolte.
Those damn thumbnails!!! I can’t control them and in an article featuring over 50 pictures of two beautiful women I have no idea how the one that’s chosen for the top of the page is Nick Nolte. Nothing I can do but embrace it.
That’s what Bob Ross called a happy accident.
This was some great research and I’m sure more people have just added The Steve Network to their favourites list. Well done!
Get on a plane and do some indepth under cover work on this. Just to firm up your opinion.
The judge is slanted, broken, and lopsided. The fix is in on this. It’s so obvious. Vonn is the Hottie. Due to a shin injury, Julie M will step in as the Hottie in Waiting and accept the Gold on behalf of a grateful nation. Our bench is so much better than the Canadian Bench. USA will file a protest on this competition. Drawing blood and still looking Hot is an automatic Win.
Brilliant article! Loved the mug shots!
I am outraged. This thing is fixed. I knew you would eventually lose your journalistic integrity, but not like this… not for this sub par excuse of a hottie.
I would have liked to see a poll at the end.
ps. I believe it is “lock that shit down”.
“Lock that shit down,” of course. Steve Starr apologizes for the error (which is now corrected), but does not apologize for having the integrity of a Russian figure skating judge. Canadians expect nothing less than Gold from their athletes.