Jessica: “That’s the thing…I am.”

Yowzers! Sounds like Jessica’s feelings are much different than her publicists’.

Earlier in that same video, Letterman also asked her about Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, whom she dated after her 2007 relationship with Mayer.

She gave the prerequisite “We’re still friends” answer, but did mention that he broke off their two-year relationship on her birthday.

Which, I’m theorizing, is the real reason she gained a few pounds. We all know Justin Timberlake has the power to destroy the lives of his conquests — Britney went into a tailspin, Diaz destroyed her face with plastic surgery and Scarlett Johansson married…yikes…Ryan Reynolds — but what if Romo also has this power?

A better theory is that Jessica got fat on purpose. Or at least wasn’t discouraged to lose the weight. Since the mom jeans incident, Simpson’s PR staff has turned her into the face of fat America, a walking, talking (and eating) Dove commercial.

Just listen to this ad for her new show:

“There’s a lot of pressure to feel beautiful, but what defines beauty,” asks Simpson.  “I’m going to travel the world and see what makes women in different cultures feel beautiful.” Cut to a Ugandan woman saying, “Fat is beautiful.”

So, essentially, she’s scouring the earth to find fat-friendly cultures in order to make fat American women feel better about themselves. Hey, smart move. According to the American Medical Association, more than a third of women are obese (35.5 per cent), while 64.1 per cent are either obese or overweight. That’s one big, untapped market…literally.

But, before she could become the unofficial spokeswoman for big-boned ladies everywhere, Simpson had to go through a few steps first.

Step 1: She told the world, “I think I look good,” thereby helping young women develop a positive body image.

Step 2: She stayed pretty. Women wouldn’t listen to Kirstie Alley talk about having a healthy body image because quite simply, there’s nothing healthy looking about her. Simpson, on the other hand, may be fat by celebrity standards, but she’s still considered beautiful by most women and “extremely bone-able” by every guy I know (especially after that Mayer quote).

Step 3: She rebranded herself. When you used to think of Jessica Simpson you most likely thought of the blond ditz who famously asked “Is this chicken or fish” when opening a can of Chicken of the Sea tuna on the TV show Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. Now, after being the butt of everybody’s jokes for the past year, you probably associate her with the word “fat.” To further remove the “blond ditz” label, Jessica’s publicists simply had her dye her hair brown. And voila! There you have it, a classic rebranding.

She’s no longer the bimbo fantasy of horny youth (see- Dukes of Hazzard), she’s a mature, role-model for women everywhere. It’s only a matter of time before she’s hosting The View and hawking a plus-sized clothing line at Walmart.

Well, that’s if she can keep her foot out of her mouth. When Letterman tried to raise the level of conversation, asking, “Is there a reason women always succumb to the pressures of a culture that’s dominated by males,” Jessica responded, “I always thought males wanted something to grab on to.”

Thanks Jessica, very enlightening.

But, while she still’s not the sharpest knife, she does a carry a great message to all young girls out there. Or does she?

After Simpson essentially told women, “It’s okay to be fat,” Dave welcomed Dr. Oz to the show. (Is it just me or has he already supplanted Dr. Phil as America’s favourite TV doctor?)

His first question…”What is the number one health problem in the world?”

Dr. Oz: “Without question, at least in the Western world, it’s obesity.”

The good doctor then went on to list all the ways overeating can kill you. Hope you were still listening ladies.

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The only thing Dave didn’t ask Jessica about was her new relationship with Billy Corgan. The Smashing Pumpkins frontman has been rumoured to be dating Simpson since November, but considering he wrote the theme song for The Price of Beauty, it’s pretty obvious he’s feeling the effects of sexual napalm.