NFL OFF-SEASON RECAP by Norm Hitzges

A lot of Canadians don’t remember me, but I was TSN’s NFL analyst before Chris Schultz. And let me tell you, no one picked football games better than this guy. Unfortunately, however, I wasn’t born with Schultzy’s charisma (who is really?) and was eventually replaced.

That’s why I’m ecstatic to be back at TSN. Once Steve Starr assured me that The Steve Network is affiliated with Canada’s Sports Leader, I jumped at the chance to rejoin the team. I’ll now be providing readers with unique insight and commentary on the NFL every couple weeks until I’m inevitably called-up to the main network. Sort of like a try-out, I guess. Let’s get started:

By far the biggest news of the off-season has to be the Redskins signing running back Larry Johnson to a three-year contract. It’s clear to me what happening here. After getting fired by the Broncos following the 2008 season, Mike Shanahan has something to prove in Washington. Already famous for being able to turn any running back into a star, Shanahan now wants to show everybody that even Larry Johnson can have a big year in his system. Forget winning games, this is now personal for Shanahan. And I view it as a can’t lose. The Redskins are only paying Johnson $3.5 million per year. Sure, he could make as much as $12 million if he meets certain incentives, but according to my sources, one of those incentives is apparently “No hitting women.” Great move by Washington to get that in the contract. With Johnson and now Rex Grossman on board, I see 11 wins out of this team next year.

Same with Broncos coach Josh McDaniels. You’re good with quarterbacks, we get it. No need to prove it to us by signing Brady Quinn. My theory is McDaniels is hoping to draft Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Claussen, but he needs the signal-caller’s stock to drop in order to get him with the 11th pick. What better way to make this happen then by putting former Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn back in the news.  A not-so subtle reminder to the rest of the league that experience running a pro-style offence isn’t everything.

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been accused of sexually assaulting a 20-year-old college student. Hell, it’s always nice when professional athletes go back to school, isn’t it? I talked to Ben and he told me to let my readers know that he wore a helmet at all times and treated the young lady no worse than his bike.

The San Francisco 49ers signed quarterback David Carr to back-up incumbent starter Alex Smith, and I for one LOVE THIS MOVE!!! This harkens back to the old Montana-Young combo. Considering the Seahawks, Cardinals and Rams are all terrible, pencil in the 49ers in the NFC West.

Linebacker Larry Foote is returning to the Pittsburgh Steelers after spending last season in Detroit, or as he called it, “Shutter Island.”

On Tuesday, the Bills announced they were going to hold an open quarterback competition between Trent Edwards, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Brian Brohm to determine their starter. Geez, at this point why don’t they just invite Steve McNair? Might liven things up a bit.

March Madness hasn’t even started yet and we’ve had our first bracket buster. After indulging in some street meat, New York Jets coach Rex Ryan busted through his lap-band procedure. Too bad, some things just aren’t meant to be.

And finally, let me salute Roger Goodell. If you haven’t heard, the NFL commissioner conducted a private coin-toss to determine whether the Jets or Giants would get the privilege of opening new Meadowlands Stadium next season. The Giants won, angering Jets owner Woody Johnson, who had the nerve to question Goodell’s integrity. Now, if you and your buddy found a new apartment and he told you he conducted a coin-toss without you that determined he would get the biggest room, you would go along with it right? Of course you would.

Thanks for reading everyone, next time maybe I’ll mix in some coffee shop stories like Peter King.

For The Steve Network, this has been Norm Hitzges.

(Obviously, this hasn’t been Norm Hitzges. The real Norm Hitzges charges you $1.50 a day for his analysis at Norm’s Clubhouse.)